You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
