neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
