you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
