I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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