zippers are such a cool invention
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
