bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
