just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
