New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's blow job season.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
