this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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