i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
