my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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