Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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