He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
