Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize