remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
