I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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