I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
