oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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