As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
