used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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