Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
