apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
