I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
