I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to align my fucking chakras
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
