why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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