I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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