We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
