Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
