I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
