after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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