God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize