I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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