We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
