I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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