Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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