Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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