Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize