What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
