Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I want a musical about memes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
