I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
