is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
