did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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