Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
