omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
