all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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