Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
