Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
