Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
