Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
