great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
