my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
