ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
