On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
