they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
