i barfeds in our rink
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
