I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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