Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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