i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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