i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
