I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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