I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
