filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
