Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
