i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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