some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
