His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
