haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
