i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
