I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
