dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
