whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
