so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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