The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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