i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
