i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
