Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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