Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
